Finished my history for Mr H. if a certain person think i've put her name on it because it was supposed to be a group piece she's wrong, cause she didn't contact me and i did the work on my own.

i am the single. it are the gay. then again i suppose i should use all my new free time in a productive manner. Self defence lessons maybe?

my brother is getting migraines like mine.. they f*cking suck. i hope he'll be ok. Any decent migraine remedies out there?

hello all
i had a fantastic day 8D
seriously it was fucking awesome
shame about school
but after..
snow,
my very good friend Dan
and the woods.

ahh...

anyway, yes, presents are cheap this year for i am broke
tis sad

i'm in a sticky predicament

i have a lovely boyfriend
he's kind, clever, cute and really i have no reason at all to be how i am
but after our long time together, shit happens, and i don't know what we have in common any more. in fact i have a feeling our relationship is held together soley by affection, which while this is lovely, theres stuff missing. a few people who read this will know what thats done. i do not wish to hurt him, and it would hurt him a great deal if i broke up with him, especially cause he's a lovely boy, but i need more.

it worries me that my time with a certian Daniel is in fact much more engaging, we seem to have everything in common, he's fucking gorgeous, and really interesting but on my wavelength. nobodys perfect, but he's sooo close
and i really think i'm starting to fall for him
but this cannot. happen. again.
i'm tired of inter-romantic bullshit which seems to lead soley to my face being ripped off while other parties remain unscathed. i want to keep my boyfriend, i want us to be in love, i want to be with him and feel proud of him and us and what and who we are.... but i'm not.
in fact i feel like one of those "realdolls" sometimes
and now, when he thinks he might lose me, he's suddenly sweetness, light and guilt trips. i never left butterflies in his tummy before.. in fact he used to fess up about thinking of my friends occasionally in a more than friendly manner, and it hurt but i was glad he could be honest. i want to be faithful, i want to understand and cherish one sole romantic endeavor but to do that i need someone who can give me what i need... and so far i'm only getting partial stuff. it goes to show you always want what you can't have i suppose, all this lovey dovey etc now i put the frighteners on him. i understand i'm young, and there are plenty of fish in the sea, and if i ever dare mention poly-amourous behaviour again my remains will be gathered via bucket and mop, so now i have to think. How can i, if at all, improve a relationship thats been faulty for about 10 months? i would like to improve it, i would like to repair it, but can i? would it be better to hunt pastures new? this is very difficult...

your thoughts?

PS: Dear she knows who she is... i don't like fighting TT_TT can we make up? for christmas? this is getting silly..


peace out my friends!

1, what color is your toothbrush?
White & Green.

2, Name one person who made you smile today.
My dad.

3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning:
Homework, from 7:45 onward TT_TT

4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Homework... still. However, its done which is good.

5, What is your favorite candy bar?
milky way, or Crunchies

6, Have you ever been to a strip club?
my worrying, worrying little brother ensures i needn't leave the house for the privilage *shudders*

7, What is the last thing you said aloud?
Bon nuit Papa

8, What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
clotted cream, or honeycomb, or mint, or blackberry sorbet, or *rambles on and on*

9, What was the last thing you had to drink?
Tea

10, Do you like your wallet?
for as long as its got something in it, yes.

11, What was the last thing you ate?
a chocolate covered nut

12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
it was a rare event, but i bought a skirt, some underwear and some tights (which are shit >_>

13, The last sporting event you watched?
... *laughs*

14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
buttered ~¬~

15, Who is the last person you sent a text message too?
my mum

16, Ever go camping?
never unsupervised

17, Do you take vitamins daily?
i have to TT_TT

18, Do you go to church every Sunday?
i got kicked out, no lie.

19, Do you have a tan?
i reflect the light xD

20,Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
it depends, sometimes you're sick of the sight of stuff

21, Do you drink your soda with a straw?
if i have a straw, yes.

22, What did your last text message say?
"bing bong" from Cannie *confused*

23, What are you doing tomorrow?
History presentation. i can rest easy knowing i definitely did my share of the work.

25, Look to your left, what do you see?
lamp, toilet roll, rags, books, wardrobe, clock

26, What color is your watch?
i lose them. my most recent watch is teal (somewhere)

27, What do you think of when you hear Australia?
bloody hell that was loud...

28, What is your birthstone?
Emerald

29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
i can't drive yet TT_TT

30, What is your favorite number?
7. i was really depressed for my 8th birthday ^_^; strange child...

31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
Lachlan

32, Any plans today?
its over, i'm in bed TT_TT

33, How many states have you lived in?
mum says my room is a state

34, Biggest annoyance right now?
feeling ill/depressed on occasion. its an arsepain

35, Last song listened to?
i was watching fantasia between bouts of history... i looove the mushrooms >w<

36,Can you say the alphabet backwards?
G-A no problem... Z-A i'll need time

37, Do you have a maid service clean your house?
i prefer to call her Grandma *grins*

38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
trainers, they rule. they have never failed me by blistering me or falling off/being taken off at inconvenient moments such as... *holds up a flat teal shoe* ^_^

39, Are you jealous of anyone?
i'm dealing with it. However, some things are tough to deal with... did you know my Bro is cleverer than me? TT_TT

40, Is anyone jealous of you?
people that are don't know me well enough xD

41, Do you love anyone?
*laughs* oh dear...

42, Do any of your friends have children?
not.. that.. i.. know of..? *looks worried*

43, What do you usually do during the day?
at school, i'm either failing at being funny, studying, or trying to stay awake. at home, its HWK or lounging about mostly, i don't have the energy to go far TT_TT

44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
i don't like "hate" but i know i have felt it. I am (mercifully) not in contact with them though.

45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
probably

46, What color is your car?
gray-een

47, Do you like cats?
i do ^_^

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
i'm replacing all her answers with my own so its kinda hard not to *smiles*

49, Have you ever been to Six Flags?
wazzat?

50, How did you get your worst scar?
when i was born they cut my umbilical chord. when the stump fell out i had this little hole in the middle of my belly. quite deep too.

bon soir

yes.. this is a warning more than anything, but lighthearted as at this precise moment in time i'm quite content.
i'm not well.. and i can see myself degenerating which frustrates me. I've dropped a subject at school due to a total inability to deal with the workload AND get the sleep my body demands. i'm left feeling debilitated, useless, and i'll be honest.. scared. on top of this i have depressive bouts, hyper moments which i treasure and utilise, and i'm extremely emotionally vulnerable..
I also feel i don't give a fuck sometimes as well. luckily i can hide most of my symptoms at school so there isn't mass annoyance/panic... but i'm not sure how long i'll be able to do that.
oh, what i'd give to have a "vulcan mode"

yeah... so if you speak to me and i A: burst into tears B: kill you or C: don't respond because my limbs arent functioning... blame this.

on a lighter note.... there was a cuuuuuuuuuuute guineapig in the petshop n we might buy him... maybe... oh i want him >w< he was red.